Keith Richards: Did I Say I Snorted My Dad's Ashes? I Meant That I Fertilized A Tree, And I Don't Snort Coke.

I wrote about it yesterday here. If you didn't agree with me that there was a South Park episode in this mess ... you will now.

Kurt Loder at MTV is trying to pedestal himself for being the only news reporter willing to investigate the story while bashing every other media outlet that reported what Richards said.

Clearly, this is one of the all-time great rock and roll stories. Unfortunately, it's not true.

It seems to have been either a joke — one that sailed right over the NME interviewer's head — or a misunderstanding of Richards' famously hard-to-parse verbal style.

In any event, this dodgy quote was picked up by a horde of newspapers, wire services and TV and online outlets on both sides of the Atlantic, among them Reuters, Forbes, Google, Breitbart and the Drudge Report. And evidently, none of them attempted to confirm the story with a Richards representative.

MTV News took the novel step of contacting Richards' manager, who responded with what sounded like a sigh, but was in fact an e-mail. The dad-snorting story, she explained, was, quote, "said in jest ... [I] can't believe anyone took [it] seriously."

Clearly Richards pays attention to John Kerry, and is taking the "botched joke" position.

So what did you really do with the ashes?

"The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English Oak. I took the ... ashes [and sprinkled them beneath the tree], and he is now growing oak trees and he would love me for it!"

Planted a tree ... got it. The greenies will eat that up.

Why did you say you snorted your dad's ashes in the first place? After all ... you're barely coherent, and no one understands a damn word you say.

"I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were — that tight!

"I wouldn't take cocaine at this point in my life," he added, "unless I wished to commit suicide."

Mr. Richards will have one hell of a career in politics when he retires from the Stones. He is in touch with recycling, the environment, botched jokes, and you can't understand a damn thing he says. That's the John Kerry mold if I've ever seen it.