Casey's Rules For Valentines Day

Meet my puppy Ranger

Casey's Valentines Day Rules To Live By

• Ladies, having sex with your partner is NOT a Valentines present. Even if you wear his favorite outfit, and do whatever he wants. This is insulting, and is the most flagrant of Valentines Day fouls. You are obligated to perform sexual favors (if of age) for your man ... the opposite is true for you guys as well. If men have to get you presents ... you have to get them presents. Now pony up cheap ass!
• Men, taking your partner out to dinner is NOT a Valentines present. You are supposed to be the MAN in the relationship. It is your duty to take your lady out to a nice dinner. When I say nice I mean someplace you have to actually dress up a little bit. Don't be a cheap ass!
• If you think your partner will do one of the two scams above ... it is completely appropriate to withhold giving your present to them until they pony up. If they think sex or dinner is a present, and don't get you anything else ... keep their present and return it tomorrow while looking for a new partner.
• Yes, flowers are considered a present. If you get a dozen roses ... don't you dare bitch about it. They are expensive (if you get good ones). Again, don't be a cheap ass!
• No, a card is not considered a present. If you think it is ... you are a cheap ass, quit it!
• Men, do not buy your ladies a big box of chocolates or candy. Small boxes are ok, but big boxes will only serve to encourage her to become fat and ugly. On this, you can be a cheap ass.
• Ladies, if your guy buys you lingerie it is considered a present for the both of you. No it does not absolve you of your present to him. Some women think lingerie is only a present for the man, and doesn't count. These women are selfish bitches, and should be discarded as soon as possible for younger, hotter, more agile models.
• Men, never EVER give a woman jewelery unless she is family or your fianc'ee. Some women will not like this rule because they like jewelery. However, I have spoken with several women about this and they agree with me. Only grandmas, moms, fianc'ees, and wives deserve jewelery. All others are unworthy. If you've been dating a woman for 5 years or more but never got engaged ... you are a cheap ass, stop it!
• Ladies, if you say you don't want anything for Valentines but your man's company, do not bitch when he doesn't get you anything. You are a lying, manipulative bitch who got exactly what she deserved.
• Men, if your lady tells you she doesn't want anything for Valentines, understand she is lying. The ball is now in your court. You can make her very happy by getting her something, or if you are ready to end the relationship ... get her nothing. When she gets angry, make sure you tell her how much of a lying, manipulative bitch she is before kicking her ass out onto the street.
• Ladies, Valentines Day is NOT your holiday. Saint Valentine was a guy. Valentines Day is a day to celebrate the relationship, and show admiration for your partner. It is not a day to show appreciation for you only. Make sure you remember that, and live by the rules. If you do you'll always get spoiled on Valentines Day.
• Men, you have been the victim for too long of this lie that you should spoil your lady, without expecting anything in return, because Valentines Day is all about the woman. It is not, and it's time to fight back. The only way to do so is to openly confront the selfish bitches who perpetuate this myth, and prey upon us men. Give these women no quarter, and cast them out of your lives. The women who understand the rules should be spoiled,pampered, and treated as the trophies they are. Put them up on a pedestal, admire them, brag about them, love and cherish them, and once in a while polish them up a bit to make them shine.

Call To Action, Reprint Mohammed Cartoons

Michelle has a call to action to remember the cartoon fiasco two years ago, and to remind everyone of who the cowards were that refused to print the cartoons. She has asked us to print our favorite Mohammed cartoon on our blogs (I chose a whole sheet).

The Lost Art Of Punching Hippies

Try to deny your desire to punch this freak ... I dare you.

I rarely find editorials on other blogs that I will repost here, but this was too damn good, and too damn true to let go.

Frank J at IMAO:

One day when I was but a young boy, I was walking down the street with my dad to the hardware store. He suddenly stopped, crossed the street and punched a man. When he returned, I ask, "Father, why did you punch that man?"

He turned to me and said, "That's a stupid question." Then he punched me.

It was a stupid question, because who my dad punched was a hippie. Back then, everyone knew that you punched hippies, but I've noticed that this knowledge may not be being passed on to the next generation. If there's one thing I've realized over the past few years is that hippies are not being punched quite enough, and I think the recent incident with Berkeley and the Marines shows the problem of not enough hippie punching. If hippies aren't punched on a consistent basis, they get cocky and will try all sorts of crazy thing. I mean, really, hippies insulting Marines and not expecting a punching? That's a major breakdown in our societal structure.

Read the rest here ...

Definitive Proof PC Is Superior To Mac!

PWNED!

Viva La Revolution ... Lieberman Endorses McCain

Complete shock and awesome! H/T (Hotair) ...

Brazil Finds HUGE Oil Reserve. What's This Mean For Ethanol?

As you know, Brazil has one of the largest bio-fuels programs in the world. About 18% of their country's fuel is ethanol from sugar cane. While Brazil did this to ensure that it was fuel self-sufficient, and didn't have to import fuel, greenies have been touting Brazil as a model for environmentalism. With the new oil find, it looks like Brazil is less interested in making the planet more green, and more interested in making some more green themselves.

BBC:

The Brazilian government says huge new oil reserves discovered off its coast could turn the country into one of the biggest oil producers in the world.

Petrobras, Brazil's national oil company, says it believes the offshore Tupi field has between 5bn and 8bn barrels of recoverable light oil.

A senior minister said Brazilian oil production had the potential to match that of Venezuela and Saudi Arabia.

Petrobras delivered its estimate after analysing test results.

Making Brazil one of the largest oil producers clearly removes them from any environmental model put forth by the greenies.

Naturally, the government is thrilled.

The news, which led to a sharp rise in company shares, was also given an enthusiastic welcome by the government.

The senior minister in charge of the cabinet, Dilma Rousseff, said if the deposits turned out to be as significant as first thought, it would place Brazil in the same league as Venezuela and countries in the Arab world.

With a reserve like this, the country could be transformed into an exporter of petroleum, she said.

"This has changed our reality," she said.

Yep, you poor greenies have just lost the "moral high ground" argument as it applies to Brazil. They don't give a damn about the environment ... they want to make money.

Let's not forget that this UN expert says it is immoral to use food crops for fuel.

So You Want To Use Dope, But Not Get Arrested ... Go To San Fransisco!

That's right everybody. San Fransisco has finally decided to move forward with a very controversial plan that will allow intravenous drug users to shoot up without fear of arrest.

Why would they do such a thing you ask. Well, to prevent overdoses of course.

SF Gate:

On Thursday, an all-day symposium - co-hosted by the city Department of Public Health - will examine the idea of creating safe injection centers where users could bring their drugs, shoot up and leave, without fear of arrest.

The idea is to decrease overdoses, keep dirty needles off the street, and cut the risk of spreading HIV and hepatitis C. Those are all good things. It is the idea of providing addicts with their own injection clinic that riles people up.

Naturally, people are riled up over something like this (which has been in the works for years now). The article even quotes one reader as saying:

"What's next? Giving them the drugs, too?"

The answer to that is yes. Now some of you might think I'm going a little too far by saying that, but I want you to use some logic here.

If we are willing to allow dopers to shoot up in an effort to prevent overdoses, remove needles from the street, stop hepatitis and HIV ... surely we will be willing to provide said dope to prevent all of the other crimes involved in buying the dope on the street. Hell, it may even become a proposed strategy for the drug war (yes I know some people have already endorsed this tactic).

Seriously, think about it. The negative impact, and outright danger, to the individual as well as society is far worse if the drugs are purchased on the street instead of being supplied.

The John Kerry Taser Video

Funniest video ever!

You can see another angle here.

It turns out the student who got stunned is a bit of a prankster.

AP:

The student in the middle of it all, 21-year-old Andrew Meyer, had no comment after he was released on his recognizance on various charges following a night in jail.

But details from his online writings and videos raised the question of whether his harangue during the forum was genuine or some kind of stunt.

Meyer, a senior telecommunications major from the Fort Lauderdale suburb of Weston, has a Web site featuring several homemade videos. In one, he stands in a street with a sign that says "Harry Dies" after the latest Harry Potter book was released. In another, he acts like a drunk in a bar while trying to pick up a man dressed in drag.

The site also has what is called a "disorganized diatribe" attributed to Meyer that criticizes the Iraq war, the news media for not covering the conflict enough and the American public for paying too much attention to celebrity news.

Another site had pictures of Meyer licking a woman's face and making a suggestive pose as he stood behind a fake cow. The site listed his activities as "getting wasted" and "being ridiculous."

Whether he disrupted John 'Baby Killer' Kerry or not ... he deserved to get tased.

John Edwards Asks: Is Cuba's Healthcare System Run By The Government?

H/T: Newsbusters

As reported by ABC ...

When an Iowa resident asked former senator John Edwards Thursday whether the United States should follow the Cuban healthcare model, the 2004 vice presidential contender deflected the question by saying he didn't know enough to answer the question.

"I'm going to be honest with you - I don't know a lot about Cuba's healthcare system," Edwards, D-N.C., said at an event in Oskaloosa, Iowa. "Is it a government-run system?"

Newsbusters astutely points out that it is difficult to believe than any adult, let alone a former senator and presidential candidate, would not know that Cuba runs their own healthcare.

Ted Nugent Unhinged (NSFW)

When libs do this sort of thing there is usually a backlash from members of the audience. It will be interesting to see if Ted faces any adverse reaction. At least you know he's politically active when you buy his tickets.

CAT SCRATCH FEVER!

Anchorwoman Cancelled After Just One Show

I must admit, my wife and I watched the show because there was nothing on. It was horrible in most painful kind of way. Sad thing is that she wasn't the worst part of the "news" crew. They had a damn weather dog for crying out loud! The so called "professional journalists" at the network were horrible on air talent as well. Which reflects why the station is struggling.

Anyway, I looked at my wife 10 minutes into the show and said it will be gone in three episodes. I was wrong, it took one.

AP:

Here's news that Fox's series "Anchorwoman" wouldn't want to deliver: It's been canceled after one low-rated airing.

The debut of the reality show about Lauren Jones' attempt to turn herself into a news anchor for a Texas TV station drew an estimated 2.7 million viewers Wednesday, according to preliminary figures from Nielsen Media Research.

That number is about a third of the viewership Fox attracted a week earlier with the finale of its popular "So You Think You Can Dance."

Jones was a Barker Beauty on "The Price Is Right," Miss New York and featured WWE Diva before the series put her into the newsroom of KYTX Channel 19 in Tyler, Texas.

Unaired episodes of "Anchorwoman" will be available on Fox's website through Fox on Demand.

As a side note ... So You Think You Can Dance is almost as bad as Anchorwoman was. Though my wife would disagree.

So You Want To Be A Condom Testers?

Here's your chance. Sorry, the position is unpaid.

Oliver Stone Upset That He Is Part Of "Great Satan", But Michael Moore Isn't.

Hell, he's even comparing Iran's president to Bush in an effort to paint Ahmadinejad as a part of the Great Satan himself.

Contact Music:

Moviemaker OLIVER STONE has responded to Iranian critics who called him "part of the Great Satan" as they refused his official request to make a movie about President MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD. The Doors director approached Iranian officials at the beginning of 2007 and revealed his plans to turn the life of the country's leader into a biopic. But with Iranian/American cultural relations at a new low thanks to the portrayal of Persians in films like 300 and Stone's Alexander, Middle Eastern film authorities have denied the filmmaker access to Iranian locations. Responding to Stone's request, Ahmadinejad's media advisor has said, "While it is true that Oliver Stone is considered to be among the opposition in the U.S., the opposition is still part of the Great Satan." The director is taking the snub in his stride, stating, "I've been called a lot of things, but never a Great Satan. "I wish the Iranian people well and I only hope their experience with an inept, rigid idealogue president goes better than ours."

Meanwhile, Michael Moore is clearly not seen as part of the Great Satan because he IS allowed access to Iran. Too funny.

Iran Rejects Oliver Stone Documentary

Awwww ... too bad!

Michael Moore gets the ok!

Man Sues Health Drink Company For Long Lasting Erection

Apparently the Boost Plus drink can give you a raging stiffy. That seems like good news because it's cheaper than Viagra, but one man is totally pissed his boner would subside.

AP:

A man has sued the maker of the health drink Boost Plus, claiming the vitamin-enriched beverage gave him an erection that would not subside and caused him to be hospitalized.

The lawsuit filed by Christopher Woods of New York said he bought the nutrition beverage made by the pharmaceutical company Novartis AG at a drugstore on June 5, 2004, and drank it.

Woods' court papers say he woke up the next morning "with an erection that would not subside" and sought treatment that day for the condition, called severe priapism.

They say Woods, 29, underwent surgery for implantation of a Winter shunt, which moves blood from one area to another.

The lawsuit, filed late Monday, says Woods later had problems that required a hospital visit and penile artery embolization, a way of closing blood vessels. Closing off some blood flow prevents engorgement and lessens the likelihood of an erection.

I don't see any disclaimer of this particular side effect on Boost's website, but I expect it to be added in short order.

Turd Cake ... Yummy!

The past couple of weeks my wife has been on a baking kick. She's been wanting to do a cake of some sort, her idea today was pretty interesting. She wanted to make a cake that looked like a toilet with turds in it.

We are not bakers by any means, but it was a lot of fun to pretend we were.

We made a normal round cake, applied fondant, added white whipped frosting, painted it with blue icing, added a bit of candied confetti, then we put the fondant "seat" on, and finished up with the classic Baby Ruth to represent the turds (thank you Caddyshack).

Here's a couple of other pics for you to munch on ...

MMA Referee Slams Fighter

I'm a big mma fan, and trained a little with the Gracie family in the military. I ran into this vid of a ref slamming an mma fighter, and couldn't resist posting it.

The Rosie Cartoon: Part Deux

As everyone knows ... my favorite subject is Rosie. I will talk about her antics for hours. Naturally, I go on vacation and the next big Rosie story explodes ... leaving me sadly out of the loop. Well, I just couldn't resist taking my own personal jab at Rosie on my first day back.

Most of you know my nickname for her (The Abominable Pumpkin Head), and many of you are fans of my first Rosie cartoon. The cartoons were a fun way for me to take cheap jabs at Rosie, and it gave me a chance to use my Photoshop while proving a point. I noticed that it would be extremely easy to make a strip comic of Rosie's words, and it would be more entertaining than simply giving you a list of what she said. Please bare in mind that the Rosie cartoons are slightly humorous, but are simply meant to drive home a point.

Without further adew ... I present The Rosie Cartoon: Part Deux


I hope you enjoyed it.

Terrorism And A Loaf Of Bread

I'm officially back from my vacation, and the blog will be updated regularly once again.

My wife and I went to Disneyland for our vacation, and had an interesting experience one day while leaving the park. Disneyland has a security checkpoint on your way into the courtyard used to enter California Adventures and/or Disneyland, and you are checked once again as you leave the courtyard from the theme parks. There is also a security check when leaving Downtown Disney. Both on your entering, and leaving, security has you open all of your bags so they may view the items you are carrying. I have no problem with this whatsoever. What I do have a problem with is that overzealous security officer who gets off on harassing people. You know the one.

On the first morning of our trip my wife and I went to Downtown Disney to kill some time before the parks opened. Upon leaving Downtown Disney to go ride some rides we had to go through security. No biggy, we've done it a hundred times already. This time was a little different.

The family in front of me was a young Mexican couple with their baby in a stroller, and they spoke little English. The wife and baby went through security just fine, and were not stopped. The husband had a backpack that he needed to open in order to display the contents of the bag. He was prepared and had the bag open as he got to the security screener (an old fat lady). As the screener peered into the backpack she stopped the man, and reached into his bag. She pulled out a loaf of wheat bread, and the interrogation began.

"What are you doing with this bread," she asked. He responded in barely understandable English that they were going make sandwiches with the bread. "You're going to make sandwiches huh? Where's the meat?" No joke, she asked him where the meat was for the sandwiches. He didn't seem to understand the question. They then began speaking in Spanish, and I couldn't understand what they were saying. However, she asked him if he was making sandwiches, and where the meat was about 10 times.

Keep in mind that this is all happening as the family is leaving Downtown Disney, and they were already allowed in through security when they entered Downtown Disney. Clearly the other screener didn't feel threatened by a loaf of bread, but this lady was different. I also never heard him refer to what type of sandwich he was going to make, and she never asked about peanut butter or anything else ... only meat.

As this is happening I was drawing on all of my training in explosives, terrorist tactics, and improvised weapons ... I could not recall a single piece of information regarding a loaf of bread that would apply here. The only thing that would have made sense was if they were hiding something in the bread ... which is reasonable, but the bread was sliced. All she had to do was separate the slices to see if anything had been hidden, and she never once attempted that. I was stumped.

Finally, after about 8 minutes (not an exaggeration) the wife came back to find out what was going on. She spoke much better English than her husband. She too was grilled about the lack of sandwich meat, but she wasn't having any of this lunacy. After arguing for about 2 minutes she finally pointed out the obvious that they were LEAVING Downtown Disney, and they had been allowed to enter without any problems. She finally asked if they were allowed to leave Disney with their loaf of bread, or throw it away. The screener then allowed them to leave with the loaf of bread, and never offered an explanation.

Now you can use bread in certain explosive devices, but we are talking Macgyver stuff here. There would also have to be other components that would be blatantly obvious to anyone that they were a threat. None of that was evident, and I've already covered the smuggling/theft inside the bread. I figured I forgot some way of using bread as a weapon, and checked it out online. I haven't been able to find anything else besides this, but a sandwich that lasts three years isn't what I'd call a reasonable security threat.

In case you didn't know ... Disney sells bread inside their parks, but it's special Disney bread. Perhaps that was the motivation for harassing this family ... I don't know. It's good to know that if terrorists ever figure out how to use a loaf of bread against us ... this woman is on the case. I just wish I had my 10 minutes back.

Nudists Want To Attract Younger Members

File this one under obvious. The aging population of nudists is desperately trying to attract younger, hotter members.

AP:

To draw 20- and 30-somethings, nudist groups and camps are trying everything from deep discounts on membership fees to a young ambassador program that encourages college and graduate students to talk to their peers about having fun in the buff.

"We don't want the place to turn into a gated assisted living facility," said Gordon Adams, membership director at Solair Recreation League.

Yep, they're recruiting on college campuses in order to get younger people naked.

The median age is 55 at Solair, where a yearly membership is $500 for people older than 40, $300 for people younger than 40 and $150 for college students.

The older you are the less likely people would like to see you naked, I guess.

The nudists are thoroughly confused as to why young hot people wouldn't want to look at a bunch of old wrinkled people. They believe the kids think they're hippies. They do acknowledge that there is an income gap, and that is why you pay less for membership the younger you are.

The nudists are going about this all the wrong way. If they want to attract younger people to their lifestyle they need to attract young ladies. You do that by offering free drinks on a "ladies night." The girls will come, they will drink, and they will get naked. Once that happens ... the young guys will come to see the young girls, and you've now the nudist lifestyle has been exposed to an abundance of young people.