Monday, March 19, 2007

300: A Movie Review


There has never been a movie to capture the essence of Thermopylae, and the Spartans' stand there against the Persians. That has changed.

It became humorous to watch the critics question the makers of 300 if Bush is Leonidas or Xerxes, and the angry left's correlation with Thermopylae and Iraq. They were mad that Hollywood dared make a movie in which Persians were defeated by the Greeks who laid the foundation of the modern principles of freedom. They drew correlations with the events of 480 B.C. to the events of today ... nearly 2500 years later. Does America represent the Greeks or Persians? Non of this matters.

I then saw the right attack the movie. This was far more humorous than the left's attacks. I had to read that the costumes weren't accurate, the Spartans' were bulging from their crotches, etc.

However, the most idiotic complaints from right-leaning critics was the violence and sex. Critics claimed that the previews on TV didn't accurately portray the movie's violence. They howled that it was too gory, too bloody, and they weren't expecting that at all. Seriously ... how pathetically stupid are you? Even the movies logo has blood spatter, and you weren't expecting a bloodbath? Perhaps you missed the previews all together. I saw several who showed great violence. Even going so far as to show part of a scene with hordes of men falling off of mountain cliffs. Even if all of that logic fails ... how about using common sense and taking into account the time period portrayed in the movie. If you went into 300 not expecting great amounts of violence ... here's your sign.

Next up was the sexual images in the movie. I saw at least two previews that gave us images of sex ... if only for a glimpse. Most of us as adults know how to spot a movie that will have strong sexual content from the images in the previews. I knew full well before I saw 300 that there was going to be at least a couple of explicit sex scenes. My wife, however, did not see those scenes, and did not know that 300 had any sexually explicit content until she saw the movie. So there is room for forgiveness in this regard, but not much.

The uproar wasn't limited to acts of sex, or nude men and women. The right-leaning critics were angry that there was a lesbian kiss. There was also a scene in which you got the impression of two women having sex, but aside from revealing costumes and provocative poses ... there was nothing that graphic about it. Especially given today's movie standards. If you don't like to see naked people on the big screen ... stay home. Otherwise ... you've got about 10 minutes of film in which there will be some T and A.

In case you are wondering ... all of the scenes were integral to the story 300 was telling, and none were too gratuitous. To prove my point ... 300 showed no nudity, nor did they get graphic at all, in a rape scene. They could have easily made that particular scene very graphic, but they did not go down that road.

Earlier I said: "If you went into 300 not expecting great amounts of violence ... here's your sign." Many of you are familiar with that term, and took it to mean that I was calling those folks stupid. Well ... I was. Nevertheless there is a "real" sign that I would like to show everyone in support of my calling them stupid. It's straight off of the 300 movie advertisements, and website.

It's right there on every piece of 300 advertising you can possibly think of ... including the preview commercials. It seems that a lot of people (critics and regular folks alike) missed that all to important 'R' rating. There in bold type are the words: Graphic Battle Sequences Throughout, Some Sexuality and Nudity.

You have to be the most pathetic, irritating kind of stupid to get upset with the makers of 300 for not calling you personally to tell you that their film has violence and sex. Exercise some common sense, and personal responsibility for crying out loud!

Still ... low and behold! While my wife and I were in the theater awaiting the start of the epic 300 ... two moronic parents escorted their youngling to his seat. They sat down, got comfortable, started eating their grossly overpriced concessions, and awaited the start of 300 with the rest of us. The violence starts in the first scene of 300, and they weren't in their seats long before they decided that this movie was not child friendly. They annoyingly got up and left the theater ... never to return. No doubt just as angry at the makers of 300 as the moronic movie critics who didn't see the sex and violence coming either. Maybe even believing as the critics had ... they'd been duped! Again ... here's your sign.

300 wasn't just historically accurate. The cinematography was second to none in the history of movies, and the acting was phenomenal! I would say Oscar worthy, but the Oscars have become so feeble that it wouldn't do the actors in 300 justice. To tell you the truth ... there isn't an award out there good enough for anyone who worked on 300.

Be forewarned. While the historical events in 300 are extremely accurate ... there is some Hollywoodifications. There are some details in the uniforms that have been changed to create the mood 300 was going for, and there is some mythology (Greek and otherwise) that was added to further immerse you into the film.

If you can bring yourself to ignore/embrace the minor details, and discard the critic's penis-envy whining about large jocks. If you can then understand that 300 has violence, and sexual content, and forget about the critics politicizing a historically accurate film ... you will step into the world of 300. You will be engulfed in action, history, mythology, and sexuality. 300 is the most stunning epic movie ever made ... period.


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