Casey's Rules For Valentines Day

Meet my puppy Ranger

Casey's Valentines Day Rules To Live By

• Ladies, having sex with your partner is NOT a Valentines present. Even if you wear his favorite outfit, and do whatever he wants. This is insulting, and is the most flagrant of Valentines Day fouls. You are obligated to perform sexual favors (if of age) for your man ... the opposite is true for you guys as well. If men have to get you presents ... you have to get them presents. Now pony up cheap ass!
• Men, taking your partner out to dinner is NOT a Valentines present. You are supposed to be the MAN in the relationship. It is your duty to take your lady out to a nice dinner. When I say nice I mean someplace you have to actually dress up a little bit. Don't be a cheap ass!
• If you think your partner will do one of the two scams above ... it is completely appropriate to withhold giving your present to them until they pony up. If they think sex or dinner is a present, and don't get you anything else ... keep their present and return it tomorrow while looking for a new partner.
• Yes, flowers are considered a present. If you get a dozen roses ... don't you dare bitch about it. They are expensive (if you get good ones). Again, don't be a cheap ass!
• No, a card is not considered a present. If you think it is ... you are a cheap ass, quit it!
• Men, do not buy your ladies a big box of chocolates or candy. Small boxes are ok, but big boxes will only serve to encourage her to become fat and ugly. On this, you can be a cheap ass.
• Ladies, if your guy buys you lingerie it is considered a present for the both of you. No it does not absolve you of your present to him. Some women think lingerie is only a present for the man, and doesn't count. These women are selfish bitches, and should be discarded as soon as possible for younger, hotter, more agile models.
• Men, never EVER give a woman jewelery unless she is family or your fianc'ee. Some women will not like this rule because they like jewelery. However, I have spoken with several women about this and they agree with me. Only grandmas, moms, fianc'ees, and wives deserve jewelery. All others are unworthy. If you've been dating a woman for 5 years or more but never got engaged ... you are a cheap ass, stop it!
• Ladies, if you say you don't want anything for Valentines but your man's company, do not bitch when he doesn't get you anything. You are a lying, manipulative bitch who got exactly what she deserved.
• Men, if your lady tells you she doesn't want anything for Valentines, understand she is lying. The ball is now in your court. You can make her very happy by getting her something, or if you are ready to end the relationship ... get her nothing. When she gets angry, make sure you tell her how much of a lying, manipulative bitch she is before kicking her ass out onto the street.
• Ladies, Valentines Day is NOT your holiday. Saint Valentine was a guy. Valentines Day is a day to celebrate the relationship, and show admiration for your partner. It is not a day to show appreciation for you only. Make sure you remember that, and live by the rules. If you do you'll always get spoiled on Valentines Day.
• Men, you have been the victim for too long of this lie that you should spoil your lady, without expecting anything in return, because Valentines Day is all about the woman. It is not, and it's time to fight back. The only way to do so is to openly confront the selfish bitches who perpetuate this myth, and prey upon us men. Give these women no quarter, and cast them out of your lives. The women who understand the rules should be spoiled,pampered, and treated as the trophies they are. Put them up on a pedestal, admire them, brag about them, love and cherish them, and once in a while polish them up a bit to make them shine.